To Have And To Hold
by Saint Louise
Summary: Just before meeting Fei for the first time, Ramsus thinks about Miang and the power she has over him. But he just doesn't see what she's doing...


_What's it like to fall and hit the end,_

_To have and to hold?_

_You are my only friend_

_You're worth your weight in gold_

_I'd find the right use_

_If I could cut myself loose_

Ramsus had never been addicted to _anything_, let alone drugs. Drugs were for people like those pitiable, weak –Lambs-, who needed and escape from their pitiably useless existences. Ramsus was the Commander-in-Chief of Gebler's forces, for god's sake, and not some common soldier, as his beloved Dominia might say. _He_ had no need for such things.

But…somehow he knew how these pathetic addicts felt. How on earth could someone like Kahran Ramsus possibly sympathise with –Lambs-? Simple- Miang. Ramsus needed Miang like he'd never needed anything in his life. He felt like he needed her to see, needed her to breathe, needed her to think clearly. Miang was like a drug, and Ramsus could never get enough to sustain him. His triumphs were for Miang, his lows often _because_ of her. He believed he loved Miang with every fibre of his being, and so often she brushed off his compliments of affections, citing that they had 'no time' for that kind of thing. Of course, she often told him she loved him as well, and he had no reason to disbelieve her, but…she didn't love him as he loved her, he knew. Secretly this bothered him, but he still pursued her affections like the most craven of junkies seeking his fix. He could never get enough from her to know exactly what she was thinking, and this worried him slightly. More than slightly, in fact. Ramsus wasn't at all sure what he would do if Miang was ripped from him, like everything else he had ever loved. But he knew that somehow, everything was Fei's fault. Fei, and those traitors he had once called friends- Jesiah Black, Hyuga Ricdeau and Sigurd Harcourt. They had never entirely trusted Miang, couldn't see how wonderful she was. They had warned him against getting too involved, but of course he hadn't listened. Ramsus knew that Miang was the only thing that was good for him these days, and he intended to hold on to her no matter what it took to do so. In fact--

Suddenly, there was a soft knock on his door, dispelling his thoughts.

"Commander?" it was Miang. Ramsus was always amused that she bothered calling him 'Commander' anymore, since that _certainly_ wasn't what she called him when they were in bed, or even when they were alone.

"Yes, Miang?" he looked up, throwing her a tired half-smile.

"Are you ready? The briefing is in ten minutes, so we should leave now." she returned his smile warmly, and he felt his heart leap momentarily, although he didn't quite know why.

"Why do we need a briefing?" he stood up wearily. "All we have to do for the moment is interrogate that Marguerite girl, isn't it? And make sure that fool Shakhan isn't keeping any information from us. God knows, he's too useless to find out the location of the Jasper himself."

"There's a little more to it than that, Kahr," Miang said, her familiarity coming back. She walked slowly around Ramsus, stopping to rub his shoulders. "We're also to watch over the –Lambs- and proceed excavating the anima relics. And, if we can get the Fatima Jasper…"

He leaned his head back, the better to look at her. "We can find the 'great treasure' and stop pretending to care about the fate of the –Lambs-, can't we?"

Miang smiled, her arms sliding down to wrap around Ramsus' waist. "That's right. And, we will be free to concern ourselves with more important matters."

"This had better not take long," Ramsus muttered, turning around to embrace Miang fully. "I want to get to Bledavik and get this over with as soon as possible."

"We can leave on the airship this evening," Miang replied, stretching upward to kiss him. "And who knows? It might even be fun, perhaps; there's supposed to be a fighting tournament held there in a few days, and a big festival."

"We don't have time for that," Ramsus said, flatly. "Who cares about a few –Lambs- who are deluded into thinking they're powerful, anyway? There's nothing about that puppet Shakhan to celebrate, either."

Miang laughed, reaching up to stroke Ramsus' cheek. "As you wish, Commander. Now, shouldn't we be going? We'll be late otherwise."

Ramsus nodded his agreement, breaking their embrace to pick up his uniform jacket from his chair. He swung it over his shoulders, noting that Miang's eyes were on him the whole time, and she seemed to be smiling secretly.

"I'm ready," he said, picking up a shiny, silver ring from the bedside table and slipping it onto his finger.

"Then, let's get going." Miang replied, noting Ramsus putting his ring on and smiling at him instead of to herself. "Perhaps we'll finally get some alone time once we get down there, mm?"

Ramsus looked at her momentarily, opening the door to his room and stepping out. It was a little unusual these days for Miang to explicitly express a wish for 'alone time', but even knowing this didn't stop the stupid joy he felt rising inside himself.

"I hope so," he said, gesturing for her to walk ahead of him. She let herself brush past him, a promising little smirk gracing her lips.

Watching Miang walk down the corridor ahead of him, her hips swaying slightly, Ramsus felt relaxed for the first time that day. He knew again how an addict must feel when they finally got their fix, although he'd never even admit to _Miang_ how he truly felt about her beyond love, adoration, or any other feeling. He smiled to himself, shelving all of his thoughts for now and concentrating on Miang, just Miang. Nothing could hurt him now.


End file.
